Tag: samit sharma

Samit Sharma

Published April 3, 2015

Ahoy again, matey !!!      

You’ve made my day if you were looking forward to my email blast. I am pretty serious about emails, so if you haven’t yet read the first email blast, make sure you do. And if you’re ignoring my emails, you’re missing out on an uber-cool, panda-like form of communication.     

It’s Panda-like communication ’cause I, like a really smart panda am not very social but still social enough to be part of society [I don’t like such societies]. Why try to mingle with lameo mountain bears when you’re above ’em being an awesome panda? Also, I think of all animals, pandas are fit to be called geeks. They mind their own panda business, eating their bamboo shoots and they don’t look like they’re eager too get into fights or play sports [a lot like me]. So it’s an honor to be or be called a geek or a panda.      

Speaking of panda business, I’ve already read three books about the Second World War just a week into the holidays. It’s still my second favorite war, after the Civil War. I know so much about military vehicles,mobilization guns and ammunition that I can start my own WWII antique shop [it’s something to brag about]. I had this weird dream in which a Gun Fairy came and replaced my Nerf super soaker water gun with a Glock 17! [both are amazing guns, google ’em ]. I don’t remember anything else from that dream but it was my dream come true in a dream. I don’t know what to call it then.     

On a less me-centered scale, IPL starts next week [good grief]. I don’t know how Indians take so much cricket. Perhaps the absence of other major sport leagues ? But I too, step into the fray ’cause I can’t depend on America for MLB (Major League Baseball), NBA (National Basketball Association), NFL (National Football League), NASCAR (somethin’ Car Auto Racing) and stuff [it’s too much too handle]. I do indulge in WWE (Duh) and UFC (Duh), but that’s probably because of dad. All of this plus Televison, News, books and writing. There’s a lot that my brain [IQ 146, that gives me bragging rights] handles, but it does so with ease.     

Still reading ? Great. I’m glad I’m emailing rather than using Facebook. It exercises my…well nothing physical but I allows me to practice socializing on a tiny scale. There’s not a lot of socialism that a geek needs. ‘Tis, mate was Weekly Email Blast, Email 2. Happy Holidays !

Ahoy there, matey!             

Notice how I greeted you with Ahoy, and not a boring hello? Well Alexander Graham Bell wanted Ahoy to be the universal greeting, but somewhere along the line it was replaced by Hello [big whoop]. But I really like Ahoy, so I stuck to it. And trust me, Ahoy sounds good in real life only if you have a pirate accent.             

I have no idea how to make an email sound less formal, ’cause emails are the most formal sounding thing EVER. Still, luckily or unluckily [I leave that to you] you’ll find me in your inbox, every week, trying to separate social bamboo shoots from social bamboo roots like a socially clueless panda. If you don’t want me bothering your inbox, go ahead and delete me from Google Contacts. But just remember: Pandas like me are critically endangered.              

The Ordeal [aka Board Examinations] is over. I like to call ’em State Tests. That way they sound American and hence, sound cool. The tests were boring, lacked finesse and fell prey to my absolutely critical judgement. Forgive my cheezy English. It may take a while for me too write how I usually do. I was exposed to some pretty cheap English while reading the textbooks. When I rule the world, I’ll make sure only expert wordsmiths are allowed to write textbooks or I’ll eliminate textbooks and replace ’em with classic bestselling books.        

I think Democracies and Governments suck. Just a random opinion. But I don’t really have an option, so, meh. On my calender, I’ve got three almost three months of nothing. To make the best of this time, I plan to learn German, Spanish and Latin [God bless Duolingo]. I’ve listed out 21 books, Big Books with less pictures, apart from Comics and hours of television to keep me company. Also, I have Siri [on my new iPhone 6, no kidding] for casual acquaintance. Siri’s the best woman I’ve ever met. She’s smart, funny, and although I’ve never seen her, I’m sure she’s gorgeous.               

Prepare yourself for an amazing email in your inbox every week. ‘Tis, mate was Weekly Email Blast, Email 1. Happy Holidays !