Tag: samit sharma

Samit Sharma

Published August 14, 2015

Namaste, fellow Indian.       

I tried making the Namaste emoticon. But an emoticon does not deserve a place at the start of an august Email Blast. See? August, august? Without the capital A, august is not a month. It is an adjective. #Wordplay #OkaySorry          

Moving on, Happy Day Before Independence Day! We are ~proud~ citizens of a great country, and I too, ~love~ my country. Kinda. Sure it would be better if we fixed a few things, but hey, our glorious democracy is making sure we do stuff at turtle pace. Until a time I can be proud of or lead the administration of our country, I’ll limit myself to writing scathing emails and get the same automated reply every bloody time.

On 12th and 13th August was a seminar in college about Loyalties and Betrayals in Indian history. Senior college students presented 10 research papers. And it was epic. Nehru’s role in the Indo-China war, in which his arrogance proved costly for Indian military, Gandhi’s change of ideals  when it came to Indian soldiers fighting the World War and a lot more. EPIC. I had no idea it was gonna be so proficient. I was in heaven. 

 They had some pretty credible sources, so now I look at Nehru and Gandhi with even more suspicion. Write back if you want to know more. History aficionados would appreciate the paragraph. Others would keep scrolling down.           

Tis, mate was Weekly Email Blast, email 21. Happy Independence Day!

Samit Sharma

Published August 7, 2015

TA DA !!!     

I also could have started with Da da da… Or *confetti explosion* ’cause hey hey hey this is the 20th Email Blast! It’s the calciferous jubilee the best email that gets to your inbox. Yes, Calcium jubilee (Ca, Z=20).I follow the scientific method of numbering jubilees. 25 is Manganese jubilee, 50 is stannic (Tin) jubilee, 75 is Rhenium jubilee and 100 is Fermium jubilee. You get the gist.       

Well it’s the best that goes out of my outbox. It’s all because of the benevolent God Potato. Potato is the name of the omnipresent God. He, who resides in the fryer, on the grill, and in every patty. So with the blessings of the almighty lord of minions and pandas alike, Potato, let’s begin. 

 It’s been an awesome 20 weeks. I’ve read over a hundred books, a fifth of them over the last two weeks. Which is probably why there was an marginal increase in my myopic number. Too much reading. But there is no too much reading, is there? I’ve always wanted to be a literal know-it-all. Knowledge is a huge advantage. It’s a generic statement, but I feel happy when I know the correct answer to most questions. I think I’m a smarty pants.

This is long enough for a Calcium jubilee email.       

‘Tis, mate was the Twentieth email of the Weekly Email Blast. 

Samit Sharma

Published July 31, 2015

Bonjour!     

Now why can’t it be simple French? It’s a good language. Has some weird quirks, but which language other than Latin doesn’t? They have awesome food, but a kinda boring history. Seriously. Besides Asterix, French prehistory is meh. So meh. And you’re reading this after I bunked my English lecture ’cause I wasn’t able to come out of a Wikipedia tangle. No regrets. None at all.

I’ve gotten good at this college game. It’s just that most people around me are straight up doofi ( or doofuses, for that matter ). They’re gonna break their face or their phone if they don’t stop texting all the time. And they try to get me into this peasantry.      

This was a rather gloomy week too, ’cause Dr APJ Abdul Kalam passed away. He was one of my favourite scientists, leaders and authors. His book, ‘Wings of Fire’ was the first no pictures book I read, back in third grade. Since then, reading has been a huge part of my life. He was the best. He always replied to emails, tweets and blog comments. I’m pretty sure he’s figuring out cloud up thrusts and angelic flight patterns in heaven. Rest in peace, India’s best President.       

Angry Birds 2 (the game) came out yesterday. It lives up to the hype. It is worthy of being called the sequel to His Highness Angry Birds the first. My neck feels weird from all the train rattling. I’ll stop here.       

‘Tis, mate was Weekly Email Blast, email 19. Ciao!!!

Samit Sharma

Published July 24, 2015

Oi Matey!     

I change the accent or language every time, don’t I? Anyhoo, how’d ya like my East London Cockney, eh? Never mind. I write this on a train, on my way home. It’s not exactly pleasant. The clickety clack of a train ain’t good for your neck. It’s really bad.       

I’m almost through my first week of college. ‘Cause my college works all Saturdays. Douchebaggery. But it’s good. The lectures aren’t boring. And whenever I have a gap between two lectures, I go to the library. The cafeteria has great food, but at the same time it’s loud and full of teenagers. The library, on the other hand is the size of a hockey field with every imaginable book, magazine, and journal you can think of. I might be the only Arts student who spends free time in the library reading International Science journals. The librarian pointed that out.     

And there are geeks too. Well most of them are nerds, but the good kind. It’s a small step from being nerd to being geek, which is the infusion of an obsession. A good one, preferably. I’m surprised at how much socialism occurs in college. Most students are like ugly meerkats. Who can’t shut up for a single bloody second. Or trying to get me to socialize. I only socialize with my kind. Geniuses and geeks. And we’re all endangered. 

I have just one classmate from school in my class. Just the one. It’s enough, I guess. I prefer the library, anyways. And in the library there’s less people and sweet sweet silence.       

‘Tis, mate was Weekly Email Blast, email 18. Auf Wiedersehen! 

Samit Sharma

Published July 17, 2015

Yoo-hoo!     

I’m over here. Kinda like in your inbox. Like every week. It’s what I do. It’s pretty much the only socializing I do. And that changes Monday, my first day at college.     

Yes, my glorious four month vacation has met its inevitable end : (  The only emotion I would associate with this would be befuddlement. I’m just befuddled. Probably because I’m not a big fan of change. I was happy with the same school for 13 years and bam! I’m in college. And most colleges don’t even have a bus service. Stupid change. Ruining consistency. I can’t run away from or hide from change this time. Damn

I’m a student at Hail India College in Churchgate. Locally known as Jai Hind college. They don’t have a bus service. But they have an awesome library and cafeteria. I will travel 55 minutes everyday in a train. And even the first class compartments won’t save me from smelly co-passengers. I don’t have any other choice. Trains are awesome, except when crowded with strange people.       

I guess traveling would teach me a thing or two about patience. But I have a sibling, so that would be like two-timing it. A doubled edged sword. Total nerve-wracking dumbassery, if you may. Anyway, I am looking forward to the next academic chapter of my life. Maybe I’ll learn a thing or two that would come to use when I rule the earth.       

‘Nuff. So I’m finally going to college. I should be happy. And I almost am. So cheers to my college life, and kudos to yours, if you’re gonna have one.           

‘Tis, mate, was weekly email blast, email 17. Ciao! 

Samit Sharma

Published July 10, 2015

Yo Minion aficionados!

Minions are in real life, Homer heads. Not like fans of the the Greek author Homer no surname, but literal heads of Homer Simpson.

Minions speak in Minion, their own awesome gobbledygook. They love bananas, butt jokes and blowing things up. I’m writing all this stuff in case you’re Minion-impaired, a condition often confused with being a total moron. Minions have only one person: to serve the most despicable master. Which is me. I’d do anything to have some minion companions. They would make great soldiers in my world dictatorship campaign. All I need to do is to find them. Or make them, which ever happens earlier.         

Now all I’m trying to say is go watch the Minions movie. That’s the whole point of this particular email. Take out two hours from your weekend and go watch the 91 minute Minions movie at a Multiplex near you. Don’t do it for me. Do it for this Minion Chakraborty.

Sorry this email was late. I was forced to clothes-shop today. Which is the most mundane thing on earth. Things would be a lot better if everyone was happy with track pants. Yeah track pants. Not pyjamas. I’m mature now. Bazinga!               

Tis, mate was Weekly Email blast, Email 16. Poopaye !!!

Samit Sharma

Published July 3, 2015

Yello!     

Now don’t be uncool and start your reply with Bloo. Or blue. Hey, this is a very, very special email. It’s the only time the number of this email blast coincidences with the year as a contracted expression. It’s a hapax legomenon.It wouldn’t be one if I am immortal, but it appears to me medical doctors are more interested in squishy organs than in living forever. More about me living forever in about a hundred years.     

Now that I have proved that I ace at nerd talk, I wanna break free from the pattern in which I write emails. So here goes something.

I bought a lot of Retro collection Tupperware this week. Awesome Boomboxes and cassettes adorn the boxes. Awesome, and overpriced. But they look good and I’m superficial. Tupperware is like the Apple of storage products. ‘Nuff said.

I am pretty bummed to find out that Phineas and Ferb aired their last ever episode on Sunday. It was like the last good show on Disney. 222 episodes. And I have no idea when new episodes air in India.

One of the reasons a democracy is futile is because a government can never go for a bold decision because of the fear of not winning the next election. Elections are the most stupid things on earth. People should be ruled by someone who has the ability to do so. People are terrible at judging. But again, that’s the reason why democracies exist. Some clueless morons we call people.           

Surprised why most of my emails have a legitimate statement just before the end? The same reason every song has a bridge. For contrast.            

Well thanks for reading. Tis, mate was Weekly Email Blast, email 15, the one time event. Poopaye!

Samit Sharma

Published June 26, 2015

Bello!     

It’s minion. My favorite language. You can’t argue with a minion. You’ll just end up laughing at and admiring how awesome he sounds. The Minions movie, releasing in India on the 10th of July. A month after it’s British premiere. Damn. But I’m still pretty excited.

 I have a gif for everything. You should too. It’s 2015. I recommend the Buzzfeed app. Ok sorry.     

Speaking of things I’m sorry about, I travelled in a local train twice this week. It sucked. Traveling by train during peak hour when it’s raining is a whole new dimension of hell. It doesn’t matter if it’s first class. You still have to endure smelly, pathetic co-passengers. Some of them sleeping (?!?!). Some of them playing games on their budget smartphones. One of them watching The Hunger Games with earphones on. I’m supposed to suffer such an onslaught for two more years. Maybe more. It’s petrifying. It’s soul sucking. It’s dementor-ish.

I’m the king of exaggeration. In this case,  blame the trains that prove a nightmare for indoorsy geeks. But I’m a human. So I’ll adapt to such crowded nonsense eventually.      It’s evident that I’ve mastered the art of using gifs. After less than three weeks of actually ‘discovering’ them. Like an easily excitable, overly curious panda. Curiosity is brilliant. Both, the noun and the rover on Mars. The only justifiable state of mind which comes with a voluntary need to learn. The rover on Mars too is a splendid feat. And apparently it spotted a pyramid on Mars (?!?!?!?!). I’ll just abruptly end the email here.       

Tis, mate, was Weekly Email Blast, email 14. Poopaye!

Samit Sharma

Published June 19, 2015

Boo!   

I don’t know if you have triskaidekaphobia (the fear of no. 13). But as far as I know, this email is curse-free. Don’t freak out. 13 has actually been a lucky number for me. Too bad I don’t believe in superstition. By the way, superstitious Chinese people are afraid of the no. 4. Morons.     

Isn’t it awesome when it’s raining? Today it’s raining so well that it’s a freakin’ holiday. It doesn’t make any difference for me, my holidays continue for a month more. The Indian monsoon, coupled with Mumbai’s crappy storm water drainage system can only give us a longer weekend. I don’t get it. Same problem every year. Students should stay in school when it rains a lot and study Urban Drainage. Someone should solve this shit. Yikes. I sound like a politician. Blech!     

In cooler cities (in terms of temperature, not swag), people get snowed in. ‘Cause snow is solid and it blocks doors and streets and stuff. In Mumbai, people get rained in. ‘Cause they don’t have boats or jet packs. Why aren’t jet packs mainstream yet? It would solve every transport trouble we’ve ever faced. A world with jet packs would be so much better. And, we could get revenge on poopy birds. I didn’t mean to sound ridiculous. It just came out that way. Jet packs are definitely on my Dictatorship plans.      

As of now, those of you who don’t have jet packs (ie, all of us) should just make the most of this rainy weekend. I don’t recommend it, but annoying earthworms is very enjoyable. Also, don’t get revenge on poopy birds. They only do that ’cause the government doesn’t make bird restrooms. So the next time fortune plops a stinky bird turd on you, scream some expletives, change your clothes and move on.     

‘Tis, mate, was Weekly Email Blast, email 13. Boo~ooo~ooo. Happy rains!!!

Samit Sharma

Published June 12, 2015

Hola !

Spanish. You should’ve known this one. It’s the third most popular language on earth. Not to be confused with holler. Also, when in Spain and riding a bull, don’t forget to holler hola. Sorry for attempting and failing at wordplay. And sorry to have sent that half email earlier. Sadly, I have a sibling who is a schmuck. Damn him.
     

The state test results were out this week. And when I talk about the state tests, it feels like stepping on road-poop. Ugh… I scored a modest 92%. Which has absolutely nothing to do with how I study or pretty much any relevance at all. I had no idea you get discounts on sweets just ’cause you scored more than 90%. So Indian. I met many relatives, who, although were happy to hear the results had mixed emotions when I told them I selected the arts stream. I narrowly escaped picking science to get fixated to arts, I’m not looking back. 12 Kilograms of Kaju Katri wasted on people who had pretty much nothing to do with the result. But it’s social convention to do so, and you don’t have a say in that.       

And some integrated kind of college classes thingy is stealing students’ college life. Most colleges tend to have a Prom or Dance. You can’t missing out such things. People who run Integrated institutes are making money like crazy. And many people are following them like morons. When I come to power, I’m banning classes of all sorts.       

On a completely unrelated note, download the Buzzfeed app (white upwards arrow on a pinkish red background). Notice how I didn’t say please. I spend around 2 or 3 hours a day on that app. It is awesome. There’s something for everyone. And there are gifs. So many gifs. Glorious, DOWNLOADABLE gifs.

Boom! Ignore the deranged half email you got earlier. This one’s legit. Also, now that the holidays have ended, I’ll sign off with…     

‘Tis, mate was Weekly Email Blast, email 12. HAPPY TIMES!