Tag: samit sharma

Samit Sharma

Published October 23, 2015

 So much better than a worded greeting. Now that you’ve melted, freeze and continue reading.       

It took me 31 weeks to figure out a cute animal is better than letters in a random order. Now I’m greeting you with animals every chance I get. Just look at its tiny little pink nose. Aww.          Let’s get started. There is nothing better than cute animals. It is debatable, but overall, cute animals 1, humans 0. Cute humans are a different league altogether. Maybe a little more than zero, again, we had to invent 0 to put ourselves to scale. That, and make math easy and get to moon and Mars and stuff.       

I never liked math. I am good at it, but I hate it. Two totally different things. Simply put, is pointless, kinda like religion. Don’t kill me.

I’m a math atheist. Synonymous with arts student. He he he. No offense, mathematicians, we all do stupid things.         

And now for the Weekly News Roundup. Bihar is a stupid place, and their democracy is even worse. It doesn’t deserve a place in the email blast, and also in India maybe. There is so much discrimination (religious, caste-based, gender and literally every possible type) around us lately, I’m surprised no civil war has broken out. We’ve got bigger problems than what meat someone had for dinner, like a third of Indians who can’t afford to have dinner.         

In news that is not nasty, YouTube Red is soon going to happen, a paid version of YouTube. Without ads, exclusive videos before anywhere else, background play and stuff. Like Netflix. Why didn’t anyone point that out during the launch meeting?           

Anyway, that was the Weekly News Roundup, your source of heavily opinionated news. This is ’nuff. Just ’nuff.           

Tis, mate was the weekly email blast, email 31. Happy weekend!

Samit Sharma

Published October 16, 2015

Hey there, fella !       

I’m running out of greetings. I just can’t keep switching languages, I’m not the UN. I’ve always wanted to be the UN Secretary General, as a matter of fact. Hopefully it comes as a package deal when I rule earth. I’m very serious about this.

This weekend happens during another festival. Which involves people dressing up like disco balls and dancing. In 35•C weather. With a ton of historical inaccuracies, but hey, you gotta appreciate the spirit. Yay spirit!         

And today is World Food Day, probably the most important ‘day’ in a calendar year. It’s the day we celebrate all year round. Multiple times a day. What’s not to love about food? It’s the bloody reason you’re alive. So in turn, you’re alive so you can eat more food. And as you celebrate, do not bother others who do the same.

And most of us have tests that have already started or start next week or whatever (meh). Good luck with those. Throw the answers around like a telekinetic Sensei squirrel.

Tis, mate was the weekly email blast, email 30. Good luck and happy weekend!

Samit Sharma

Published October 9, 2015

G’day, matey !!!         

The ‘G’ might mean good. Might. You never know if it means ghetto or even geosynchronous for that matter. Greetings don’t necessarily have to make sense. And the probability of them making sense reduces if they greet you at the beginning of the Email Blast. Greasy, isn’t it?         

I am sick of the stupid October heat. Absolutely sick of it. SICK OF IT. You were supposed to be cooler dammit. And if you think you need a shower to cool off, it might actually bloody rain. And then roughly 30 seconds later, it’ll stop raining, to make sure the heat and humidity make you look like a momo. Rants are my way of talking about the weather, aren’t they?           

YouTube is one of those marvellous things that can stand up to reigning, defending champion of entertainment, Lord Television. Well 2/3rds of my YouTube is Science videos. Physics, specifically. Namely Vsauce, Veritasium, MinutePhysics and their siblings. The remaining are (American) Talk Shows, Humor-themed video channels, Trailers, Old cartoons and other miscellaneous stuff. And still, YouTube<Television. Write back for an exchange of suggestions. Watching more stuff never harmed anyone, excluding myopic vision maybe.              Which reminds me, go watch The Martian.

 Time is one of the perks of being an Arts student. I have lots of it, the reason behind me reading stuff and watching stuff and doing stuff. More time equals more fun, especially on weekends. But for me, pretty much every day is like Friday or Saturday. I don’t even get homework, something I’ve always been a bipolar advocate of. Even if you’re busy as hell, clear out your weekends for doing fun stuff. WHICH MAY OR MAY NOT INCLUDE REPLYING TO MY EMAILS. Damn right.         

‘Tis, mate was the Weekly Email Blast, email 29. Happy weekend!

Samit Sharma

Published October 2, 2015

Heil, Matey!!!       

If your reply begins with Heil, Führer, I will melt into a puddle of self-content. Just don’t tell me I told you to say so. That doesn’t make sense, now does it? Well neither does halting the entire country because it’s the birthday of a glorified politician.       

Boo! It’s October, which is internationally supposed to be spooky fun. In Mumbai, as of now, it actually is so spooky you wouldn’t wanna step out of your house any time of the day. You might explode because of excessive heat expansion. It’s 36 degrees, and it’s as humid as the devil’s armpit. Blimey.

 So, if I have I’m going to pick any costume for Halloween, I’m gonna be a Champagne bottle, complete with a bucket of ice couch.        

Also, I realized 28 weeks does not mean seven months. And now I realize I should stop counting weeks. It sounds ridiculous, like when prissy people state their kids ages in weeks. That’s stupid. Like I’m 858 weeks old today. (I didn’t do the math. Asked Siri). Also, all infants look the same, kinda like boiled potatoes. They’re nothing to be excited about. Pets are something to be excited about. That was an unexpected chain of opinions. I should just stick to #x to number emails. Hey, I think I practically used Algebra for the first time in my life today. But it still is absolutely worthless.         

Quantico, begins tomorrow night at 9, same time as The Big Bang Theory. Let’s see how this works out. The email blast is also a concise TV Guide. Almost too concise, unlike like my emails.         

‘Tis, mate was the weekly email blast, email 28. Happy October!!!

Samit Sharma

Published September 25, 2015

Look what SMTP got you this week!     

SMTP : Simple Mail Transfer Protocol. I don’t forget stuff easily, even if it was for a rather unnecessary State Test. But I’m not sure how emails are sent. They must work how iCloud works: Magic.       

Today and next Friday are holidays. For the email blast, naturally. I cleared up two Fridays to make sure I can write and you can read the email. Which shouldn’t take more than a few minutes, but why ruin the day with other stuff when you have my email in your inbox. See? Exaggeration can get you everywhere. In this case, to the last sentence of the paragraph.           

I feel I should include what happens in the news at so many different places. ‘Cause some instinct of mine is addicted to it. But I have no clue what I’m going to do with so much news and knowledge of the world. Neither does god. But Calvin sure does.

By the way, god did not put me on earth. My parents did. And I have proof that I, my family you guys and other beings exist. Not so much with god. Now don’t kill me for my opinion. Normal people don’t do that. And shouldn’t. I’m surprised I opted for Political science over philosophy in college. My philosophies are pretty cool. In my sparkly, awesome opinion. Also, I’m God.         

This was the most amazing week in terms of televised content. First you had the Emmys, which proudly ignored Modern Family and the The Big Bang theory. It wasn’t wrong. Just that the latter’s eighth season was good enough to not even be nominated. Plus, it’s Fall in the United States, which means new seasons of the best TV shows on earth. An ‘American season’ in television terms starts somewhere in September, especially with sitcoms. So renew your Star World Premiere HD subscription, then you won’t have to access a shady illegal torrents site.         

The Big Bang theory, season 9 starts tomorrow at 9 on Zee Cafe. So go, fetch!

‘Tis, mate was the Weekly Email Blast, email 27. Happy (American) Autumn!

Samit Sharma

Published September 18, 2015

Namast-olà!      

Here’s to completing half a year in email blasts, and Mumbai’s biggest festival. The former I ~celebrate~ in your inbox, and the latter in Budget Portugal (Goa). Never miss a chance to raise a toast to an Email, especially if it is one from me. And more importantly, never depend on hotel Wifi. I can barely get three bars and a 2G data connection here from this resort.       

Now when I say I’m in Goa it doesn’t mean I’m gonna spend all my time on the beach. That is a minuscule part of what I like doing on the beach. I like harassing crabs, do some shelling, reading plus trying and failing at fishing. Snorkeling and paragliding are fun options, plus, your face doesn’t feel a thing. But all beach stuff so far has been reduced to squat because of rain. 

All this at the cost of missing the first college open house. College is a lot like school in terms of giving holidays: uptight. Ganesh Chaturthi is Mumbai’s biggest festival. People make sure Ganesh idols treated like Kings and their movement is heard far and wide. The celebration is epic and possibly a wee bit annoying. For ten days, Mumbai feels awesome.          

But I can afford to spend an ~awesomer~ four days in Goa. I really wanted to attach some pictures and gifs, but the data connection isn’t good enough. I’ll save that for later.         

‘Tis mate, was Weekly Email Blast, email 26. Sent via a barely there, bikini-like internet connection. Merry festivities!

Samit Sharma

Published September 11, 2015

*High (twenty) Five*!       

Hey hey hey it’s the Manganese jubilee of the email blast. I’ve hit the quarter of a century mark, which is almost half a year of weekly emails. Now there’s two reasons I have a Email every week rather than a podcast:1: It would have been a spectacular failure, and 2:  I articulate my thought and opinion way better in writing than I do in words.

I should begin by addressing the Apple in the email. I saw the Apple Keynote live, that was obvious. The new iPad Pro is a great pretentious touchscreen MacBook with a separate keyboard. The Apple Pencil is cool, but so wrong. Steve Jobs is cursing from up above. The new Apple TV is splendid for people who use Netflix, Hulu and other streaming services. Ergo, it’s gonna be super popular in the U.S. but won’t sell in India.

And finally, the new iPhones are ‘da bombs’.Not literal bombs, but they’re pretty awesome compared to most other smartphones. 3D touch, 4K video and video editing are big deals. When future archeologists (or aliens?) unearth remains of our planet, they’ll probably believe Apple was a super popular religious symbol. And they wouldn’t be completely wrong. We all have our obsessions.        

And they’re what keep us alive and buzzing. You cannot not have any obsessions. I have multiple, and emailing is one of them. Look at me, obsessing over obsessions. That makes it a new obsession.             

‘Tis, mate was the weekly email blast, email 25. Happy weekend!!!

Samit Sharma

Published September 4, 2015

Shalom, matey!     

It’s the return of the Yiddish, the most fun borderline racist language I know. College has made me less racist and a lot more politically correct. Due to the exchange students from four different countries in my class. It’s totally like a United Nations council, on a budget.       

So, it’s tech season. Or Geek Christmas. ‘Cause September is the IFA month. IFA, or Internationale Funkausstellung, the awesome technology exhibition in Berlin this year from September 4 to 9. Sony launched some beautiful Xperia Z5 smartphones, Asus and Lenovo launched some badass gaming laptops, and we’re still on day one. And the very day IFA wraps up, we have the Apple event.

One can describe me as an Apple fanboy, but I only love Apple because they’re the best and I like stunning, gorgeous expensive stuff. And it’s is literally the best fruit on a the market. And makes some amazing juices and pies. None can resist Apple.       

I have always loved technology, and tech-shopping is my favorite type of shopping, right up there with book shopping. Even their smells leave you spellbound. Or high. 

 Last weekend was a festive weekend. This one is one too. Well happy teachers day to all our teachers.

Tis, mate was the Weekly Email Blast, email 24. Happy Festive Weekend !!!

Samit Sharma

Published August 28, 2015

Aloha!       

I typed that with déjà vu trying to say something to me, but I didn’t bother. I clearly remember I’ve never used Aloha before. But déjà vu doesn’t come with context.Now I know déjà vu isn’t a person. What I don’t know is how to use it correctly in a sentence.       

The Email Blast is probably a part of your Weekly Schedule. It is, isn’t it?

It should be. 23 weeks in, reading the email should be a habit by now. On a boring, unrelated topic, my tests start this Monday. And like always, I will start studying on Sunday, a day before the tests. My college has this weird blacklist-whitelist thing which sorts you into one according to your attendance. I say it’s racist. Bad attendance: blacklist, good attendance: whitelist. What if an African student joins the college and has bad attendance? They gonna put them on the blacklist? That’s like a racism suit waiting to be filed. Also, colleges should have a grey list, which means you’re not a nerd but not a total goof either.         

I do have some friends at college now, people who are on board with the fact that most teens are obnoxious little trolls. The opposite of an intellectual has to be stereotypical college student. I’m thinking of getting a selfie stick, a stick for hitting people taking selfies on staircases, in the library or in class. I think I’ll pick one at the park.          

Sorry I’m a grump sometimes. But still, try not to use selfie sticks around me.       

‘Tis, mate was the Weekly Email Blast, email 23. Happy festive weekend!

Samit Sharma

Published August 21, 2015

 Hola again, mate!      

 I went with Spanish again for I am now officially learning Spanish, like I always wanted to. Spanish is more popular than French, and from what I’ve learnt so far, better sounding. You don’t have to act like a slurring drunk like when you try to speak French.         

My class has two exchange students, a Belgian and a Venezuelan. The latter is my Spanish teacher, a better alternative to Duolingo. They’re pretty clueless about the Indian way of doing things, which is hilarious. Like when they realised most Fast food joints don’t have beef or pork, and tried to convince the Burger King manager to include pork in their Whopper. It was hilarious and when it happened. Not so much when written.           

There’s a Burden King near Churchgate station, so I go to one of these everyday. And the surprising thing is that I don’t look like Wimpy from Popeye. It’s been one month since college started, I’ve alternated between a Whopper at Burger King and a Banana Oreo McFlurry when college was over. This email is courtesy of a Happy meal and an McFlurry.             Apparently there are tests in college too. But the only difference these tests will be of only the subjects I’ve selected. So there is no subject I have been forced to study. Ergo, I’m looking forward to these tests. I couldn’t associate a picture with this email. Probably because of writer’s block.

My bad.           

‘Tis, mate was the Weekly Email Blast, email 22. Adios!