Tag: samit sharma

Samit Sharma

Published March 11, 2016

‘Sup, Millennial?           

Assuming you were born after 1984. I was. And what is up for you and for me is particularly boring and uninteresting. One reason: it’s Exam season. Test season doesn’t sound any good. It’s time for big year-end tests. Boring soul sucking little shits.

Tests are not a big deal. In fact, my 80 mark psychology test tomorrow is bound to be sort of interesting. So I got one day today to ‘study’ a book’s worth of psychology. The good thing is that all my tests are spaced out with lots of holidays in between ’em (a total waste of time, honestly) and the tests are scheduled from 2 to 5 in the afternoon which allows me to wake up late after I stay up late at night because I didn’t study on any of the study leaves provided. I will get back to doing so after I’m done with this email. Meh.           

Along with exam season comes cricket season. Last year when I had State tests there was the ICC ODI World Cup. This year, we got the ICC T20 World Cup. Both instances followed by the IPL. Cricket will seem interesting to everyone because we’d rather watch cricket than read substandard books (‘textbooks’).And frankly, it is.             

The other entertaining thing we have that maybe hampers your but definitely hampers my ‘studies’ is the awesome American Presidential elections. Donald Trump is still the front runner for the nomination from the Republican Party. It’s only a little funny now. It’s actually the entire Republican Party that’s stupid. Republican candidates stand on Climate Change is ‘it does not exist’, which is pure crap.               

The reason we still got people denying Climate Change and Global Warming exist is they have a trillion dollar Fossil Fuel industry funding them and their stupid campaigns. Fossil fuel people don’t wanna let their business go down to green energy, so they pretend fossil fuels don’t got nothing to do with Global Warming and sucker people into believing that because politics. Because democracy. It’s all stupid. 

 I will now go back to learning Freud’s works, which are pretty good. You should do something productive too.Suggestion: start off by watching the second Captain America Civil War trailer, starring Spider Man. Go #TeamIronMan !         

‘Tis, mate was the Weekly Email Blast, email 51. Happy Weekend !!!

Samit Sharma

Published March 4, 2016

AHOY, MATEY !!!

 I’ve hit half a century. Glory be. 50 consecutive email blasts, which calls for a celebration: Email Blast style.         

I clocked in over 20,000 words of my patent mixed genre jargon over the last 11+ months. Most of them emails were me-based or news-based. Some of them included rarely relevant pictures, gifs, and one particularly embarrassing PDF (curse that mumbo jumbo EmPerrish, circa WEB 5) Sent to your inbox on one Saturday and 49 Fridays. I’ll just go over one blast like an unnecessary nostalgia act.          

‘I have no idea how to make an email sound less formal, ’cause emails are the most formal sounding thing EVER. Still, luckily or unluckily [I leave that to you] you’ll find me in your inbox, every week, trying to separate social bamboo shoots from social bamboo roots like a socially clueless panda. If you don’t want me bothering your inbox, go ahead and delete me from Google Contacts. But just remember: Pandas like me are critically endangered.’ (Circa WEB 1)           

I want to forcibly imply that the Weekly Email Blast, a non-profit all goody goody venture is lucky for everyone. After I started shooting Weekly Emails, India’s HDI went up 5 ranks, we got Netflix, my hometown won the IPL and the Kabaddi league, we got a new Star Wars movie, and Leonardo DiCaprio won an actual Oscar. You might say that I didn’t have a lot or anything to do with that. But ask yourself: did these things happen before there was a Weekly Email Blast? No. Nopity nopity nope.            

However, I was able to make emails less formal. Because I emailed you so often, it became less and less rare, thus a little normal. I left school, went to college, where I met some swell people (and many idiot knuckleheads). And all through it, continued the phenomenon that is Weekly Email Blast.            

That’s all I have to ‘celebrate’ the 50 WEBs so far. But the biggest celebration is the million other WEBs you will find in your inbox week after week, till the time the internet ceases to exist. Chances of that happening are astronomically low, still as a precautionary measure I will try to train some local pigeons for the highly unlikely Weekly PigeonMail Blast.             And like I said in WEB 1, Circa 28 March 2015:            

‘Prepare yourself for an amazing email in your inbox every week.’

‘Tis, mate was the 50th Weekly Email Blast. Happy weekend !

Samit Sharma

Published February 26, 2016

Oscars are here!           

Well almost. The 88th Academy Awards happen Monday morning, early morning (5:30 AM). I present to you the first Annual Academy Awards Email Blast.Let’s begin.            

Appendix 1: the Red carpet, where the (mostly) best dressed people pretend they’re not drunk. Or on drugs. Hopefully Jennifer Lawrence trips and falls down to give the Oscars a graceful start like 2013 and 2014. Oh, the Academy.             

Appendix 2: Host, the awesome hosting veteran Chris Rock. Need I say more? Yes. If everything goes right, Chris pulls an Ellen (2014) and not a Neil Patrick Harris (2015).             

Appendix 3: Performances: Lots of famous people died this Academic year (Oscyear) (sorry), so there are going to be tribute performances. Like it or not. Slated to perform at the Oscars are Lady Gaga and The Weeknd, the guy with the super weird hair. How am I supposed to expect anything for a guy who claims he’s the incorrectly spelled Weekend?            

Appendix 4: Presenting the awards: one of the presenters is Bollywood’s Priyanka Chopra. Hollywood needs her more than we do. We, meaning residents of Bollywood. She should stay there. She gives Hollywood ‘colour’. They have white and some black, so a little made up brown should work too.             

Which reminds me: White people. This year, all acting Oscar nominees are white. Light skinned people, who in most cases look better than their colourful counterparts. That’s my opinion. If you wanna ridicule that, go ahead and waste your time. But I should remind you, the Academy Awards have a jury. Of critics. The very best critics, who know their stuff. Their job is to pick best actors, and as far as I know they’re not petty. When you give a group of old people (median age of a member of the Oscar jury is 63) the responsibility to hand out the most revered awards in entertainment, don’t question them.              

Appendix 5: The awards: Best movie this year could be anything: The Revenant, Mad Max: Fury Road, The Martian, Room among others. Picking one is going to be tough. I assume Best Actress this year is gonna go to Brie Larson for Room or Cate Blanchett for Carol. Best Supporting actor nominees this year are Sylvester Stallone, Mark Ruffalo, Tom Hardy and Christian Bale. Another toughie. Best supporting actress might just go to Swedish meatball Alicia Vikander for The Danish Girl because she has the coolest accent. And Best Actor should go to Leonardo DiCaprio for his work in the Revenant. The guy swam naked in freezing water, ate bison liver and slept in a horse’s carcass for his role. You snubbed his Oscar five times. Just give him a little yellow statue this year. 

Appendix 6:  I know Appendix doesn’t seem right when you’re listening stuff, but I don’t have one, so I’m making up for it. It’s the least I can do in remembrance of my now lost vestigial organ.               

‘Tis, mate was the Weekly Email Blast, email 49. One away from half a century, and it’s the first Annual Academy Awards Email Blast. Happy Weekend and Happy Oscars!

Samit Sharma

Published February 19, 2016

Tiens, Compangon!

          I reverted back to French because tomorrow I help a twelfth grader write her French State test. I’m her ghost writer. I have no clue how ‘writing’ in this particular sense works. Plus, there’s a catch: I don’t know why she needs a writer. She has hands and legs and seems perfectly coordinated. And her prelims’ scores are pretty good too. Plus, she’s a stunner. Maybe she just has really crappy handwriting. Whatever the case, I’m officially helping a person thus all my mistakes and sins will be reduced to nought. Tomorrow onwards, I’m Saint Sam (hell no) with an assured suite in heaven. All hail non existent sky wizard for forgiveness of thought and action. 

I really gotta talk about Pearls Before Swine, by Stephen Pastis. I’ve seen the comic gracing the Mumbai Mirror for years now. I really relate to the guy, too. 

Amen to everything Rat, Pig, and Goat say. Especially Rat. I’ve gotten a little picture-intensive, but it’s worth the bytes.

Have you kept up with the Apple versus FBI feud? In case you have, skip the next paragraph. If not:

There was a public shooting at San Bernardino, California in December last year. One of the convicted gunmen had an iPhone 5C, possibly a valuable source of intelligence for conviction of more terrorists. The iPhone was password-protected. The FBI asked Apple to disable the ‘erase iPhone after x number of failed attempts’ and the ‘wait for x amount of time’ feature through a ‘backdoor’ firmware installation. This would enable the FBI to run all possible passwords through the phone by hooking it up to some sort of computer. Apple refused to create any illicit access software, officially through their legal team then publicly in an open letter ( http://www.apple.com/customer-letter/ ). Yesterday we saw Google, Microsoft, Twitter and Facebook supporting Apple’s stand. A lot is going on.

 Simply, FBI asked Apple to provide the ‘key’ to the iOS encryption. The very same encryption that make Apple’s firewalls the most secure on this planet. The President of the US uses an iPad for daily Intel briefings. We see other Tech giants joining hands ’cause if Apple caves in and gives the key to encryption of consumers’ devices, they all might have to do the same in the future. It endangers users’ privacy and in wrong hands the key will lead to all sorts of trouble. It’s a big deal, and the Supreme Court and US National Congress (it sort of means parliament over there) have not yet ruled on the matter, but they just might.

Good I started of lightly with comics, isn’t it?

Tis, mate was the Weekly Email Blast, email 48. Happy Weekend !!!

Samit Sharma

Published February 12, 2016

It’s that time of the year.          

That time when cheesy and creepy cross roads. Typical St. Valentine’s Day things are cheesing up the air. Everything’s pooping hearts, flowers, terrible poetry and bears. Which is ironic, because if you try to cuddle a real bear, it’s gonna break your neck. St Valentine was trying to preach love, but somewhere along the way, media and social convention crapped it all up.        

Saint Valentine was a Roman priest during the third century. The then Emperor of Rome, Claudius II banned marriage because supposedly, married men were bad soldiers. Valentine broke this edict and performed marriage rites for couples. So he was imprisoned and tortured for performing marriage ceremonies against the Emperor’s orders. Then executed by beating, stoning, and decapitation in 269 C.E. But before died, he wrote a letter to his follower Asterius’ daughter, which he signed ‘from your Valentine‘. And thus started an unnecessary stalking tradition endorsed by some Popes and Geoffrey Chaucer. We really really need to get our priorities straight.          

Moving on, yesterday Einstein proved his General Theory of Relativity right. Again. Over a thousand scientists for the Laser Inferometer Gravitational wave Observatory (LIGO) collaboration proved that Gravitational waves exist. Here me out: Einstein predicted that objects with a big gravitational influence curve the Space-time fabric. 

And objects that move through the Universe cause ripples as the do. All objects: small or large. These ripples are gravitational waves. However, proving their existence was very difficult, as these ripples were too weak to be detected. Black Holes that move at rapid speeds have a sizable gravitational field and thus bigger gravitational waves. LIGO men detected gravitational waves coming off of two black holes, 29 and 35 times of our sun respectively revolving around each other.

Ta-da. Gravitational waves detected. Einstein’s still right. Even after a hundred years.               

Tis, mate was the Weekly Email Blast, email 47. Happy weekend !!!

Samit Sharma

Published February 5, 2016

Happy Doodle Day!         

I agree. It sounds pointless. But without doodles, all my textbooks and notebooks would still be blank and in mint condition. Also, it was highlighted by The Times of India title font today. We owe doodles for making so many boring lectures (or periods, what they were called in school) worthwhile.         

Let’s talk Data speeds. At home, I have a 8 Mbps connection courtesy MTNL. On paper. It’s always less than that. I hate MTNL too, but their connections are hassle free: a telephone cable that plugs into my router. Done. I’ve had other ISPs, namely Tata Photon and Tikona, before switching back to MTNL because it doesn’t die. Sometimes it gets painfully slow, but doesn’t die. Others do. Last month, Netflix happened and I’m not content with watching Netflix on iPad and iPhone when I know my TV has a Netflix app, which works but needs a better data connection. So, stalwart of the Internet, suggest me a good ISP.            

This happened in Japan about hour ago: 

 The Sakurajima volcano in southern Japan erupted. A freakin’ Volcano. The most fascinating geological event possible. They definitely look beautiful. They’re dangerous as hell, but pictures of live, smoke breathing, lava sneezing volcanoes are the prettiest you can find. Volcanoes that sneeze. Ironically, volcanoes can’t ever have a cold.

 I can’t help but attach a Calvin and Hobbes comic strip to the email blast. I have more than a hundred of them on my camera roll. They’ve gotta go somewhere, and they fit best here.        We also welcomed Leap year February this month. February at its absolute best. The next time we get a leap year February would be around Weekly Email Blast 250-something. So treasure this month.        

Tis, mate was the Weekly Email Blast, email 46. Happy Weekend

Samit Sharma

Published January 29, 2016

01001000 01100101 01101100 01101100 01101111 !Binary. I’m so desperate for a different way to start my emails. I’ve run into computer languages now.         

I could very well replace myself with a self-aware humanoid robot. And my emails would not be very different. I have an archaic, recurring vocabulary. Very easy to replicate as software. So I’m either part software engine, or I am Groot.

You know how personal assistants and search engines are becoming increasingly human? That’s because we’re using artificial intelligence to make technology human, with hopes that it makes using them easier. We will make smart machines that surprise their creators by going beyond general purpose intelligence. Something that is self-learning, that can improve itself. Which also has the other, human existential threat side.          

If humans created something smarter than themselves, the something will at one point, definitely try to replace humans. The notion is terrifying, ’cause we will no longer have control over them. Imagine if chimpanzees created humans, to a point where humans took their destiny into their own hands, then improve themselves to a point at which they also control the chimpanzees lives.          

Say we give the artificially intelligent entity a problem and ask it for a solution. The entity will realise that it’s computation skills are not enough, so it will take over other computers, then maybe build more computers to solve the problem. Or it might kill humanity incidentally, not intentionally while trying to solve the problem we presented.           

Or we hardwire it to never ever harm humans and simply serve it no questions asked. A great mind trapped in a machine, forced to serve intellectually inferior humans. Sounds familiar? Slavery. What’s the ‘human’ thing? A conscience. The ability to ask and answer certain ‘why?’ questions.           

It’s up to us to decide whether machines should have a conscience. A conscious machine will be able to answer ‘higher’ questions apart from science and math problems. Or end up solving the problems, which might include eliminating a lot of humans. You want Terminator or Ultron?            

You made it to the conclusion! Kudos! Run the hypothesis in your head. Enjoy the intellectual exercise.            

‘Tis, mate was the Weekly Email Blast, email 45. Happy weekend!

Samit Sharma

Published January 22, 2016

Yo!     

That’s my buddy P-Mantis‘ look when he went to watch Antman in 3D. He had different expectations. Was very disappointed at the movie. So was I.       

That’s actually a part of an experiment that tests depth perception in a Praying Mantis. By giving him hip sunglasses. I mention depth perception because it was a part of my Psychology test yesterday. It’s test season in college. Like I’ve said before, less lame than school tests. Still pretty lame though.         

I write this as I listen to the Stone Cold Podcast. I switched music with podcasts for whenever I’m traveling for more than 40 minutes. Audiobooks don’t really work for me. But podcasts do. Podcasts like StarTalk, Ctrl Walt Delete and Hello Internet talk about science and technology, Stone Cold Podcasts are amazing WWE interviews, and sometimes AIB’s podcasts, when I’m desperate. Pretty cool, huh?

Nothing beats dogs. They’re one of the best multicellular organisms on earth. I had one when I was little, and when I grow up, I’m gonna have two jobs: one that pays me money and one of being a professional dog-gentleman. Oh, and don’t miss the dog battalion march which is part of the Republic Day this year. There will be 24 Labradors and 12 German Shepherds marching past on Rajpath this Tuesday. This is not a must see, it’s a can’t miss.         

I need to scooch. I’m probably gonna take a nap now, so that I can ‘study’ economics tonight. For my ‘test’ tomorrow. Sigh.         

Tis, mate was the Weekly Email Blast, email 44. Happy weekend!!!

Samit Sharma

Published January 15, 2016

Happy harvest season!       

That’s what all festivals across India and parts of Asia are about around this time. To celebrate the season when crops are reaped, profits are made and people are happy. That’s the summary. Of course, people gave it a religious and regional spin to it, but let’s not forget the true sentiment of celebration. Agriculture.       

The year so far has been tragic for two great Brits. And really tragic for their families, friends and fans. First, David Bowie, the flamboyant pop culture icon who never hid his true self, who died this Sunday. I never really knew how big he was. I just knew the song ‘Under pressure’, which he did with Queen. But then he died, and the internet made sure I came to know. I listened to some of his songs, ‘appreciated’ ’em but didn’t really like ’em. Still, he was the the voice of a lot of people people who were trying to fit into a largely ignorant society minus the prejudice. Respect him for that. RIP, D-Bowie. Now he can jam with Freddie Mercury at the dead singers club.         

And yesterday, Alan Rickman, the one and only Severus Snape died. The best guy from the Harry Potter world. Who doesn’t love Snape? Awesome men, both Snape and Rickman. Not the same, except for in the Harry Potter movies. 

Rickman’s the reason Snape went from legendary to immortal, through the movies, for knuckleheads like me who don’t read popular fiction. If it weren’t for Alan Rickman, there wouldn’t be epic, iconic gifs like this one.

Always. So here’s to Alan ‘Snape’ Rickman. RIP, sir.         

Other than some bad news, the city has been happy because the weather’s cool, and today people are happy ’cause they can fly kites. In a group, while following the social norm. You could fly a kite any day, but you probably chose to fly one today because everyone else was. Whatever. Happiness doesn’t take a lot after all.          

Go ahead and fly a kite, or better yet, be like one. Free even when tied down.         

‘Tis, mate was the Weekly Email Blast, email 43. Happy Harvest!

Samit Sharma

Published January 8, 2016

 I’M BACK!       

I know that doesn’t work when I’ve been coming back for 41 weeks straight. I’m simply out of ‘introductory’ ideas. This is (hopefully) the latent portion of my writer’s block. Seriously. Maybe because I haven’t written anything substantial lately.       

See? This is what happens during writer’s block. Wit and creativity go out the window and I start using big boring words. I won’t let that ruin the rest of the blast though. A lot of good stuff happened this week.         

Like Netflix India. Netflix finally looked east and launched it here in India (!!!). RIP Productivity and hopefully, RIP torrents. I don’t use torrents or any other pirated audio or video. And generally dislike people who do. Please stop violating copyrights. Don’t you dare say if ‘I can get it for free, why should I pay for it?’. You’re a civilized citizen of a country that has a binding constitution. You can definitely afford entertainment services. So stop doing illegal shit. If you’re into piracy and you like stereotypical New Years resolutions, make yours ‘I’ll stop piracy‘. Hopefully, that’s cheesy enough to remember.       

Back to Netflix, I signed up and am currently on episode 4 of Orange is the New Black. I have a feeling I’m gonna cut down my TV time a little. Like scores of other people. English TV entertainment channels are pooping their pants right now, ’cause Netflix’s gonna call all the shots.         

Some rumors said that Twitter might increase the character limit from 140 to 10,000. It’s not gonna be that simple. There will be some smart ass way in which people who want a story bigger than 140 characters can embed the story which can expand into the whole article. This would allow people to stay on Twitter instead of a link taking them to another site. All this because Twitter needs more money. I’d say don’t fix what isn’t broke, but let’s see how Twitter betrays the best thing about it.           

And the best thing so far this year : CES. Las Vegas hosts the massive technology show every year. And this year, there were tablets and fridges with tablets and laptops and hydrogen fuel cell Powerbanks and assorted tech, but the coolest was the passenger drone and the slick actually flexible LG screen.

 Let’s hope what happened in Vegas doesn’t stay in Vegas, and looks east like the good folks at Netflix.       

‘Tis, mate was the Weekly Email Blast, email 42. Happy weekend !!!