WEEKLY EMAIL BLAST #1

Ahoy there, matey!             

Notice how I greeted you with Ahoy, and not a boring hello? Well Alexander Graham Bell wanted Ahoy to be the universal greeting, but somewhere along the line it was replaced by Hello [big whoop]. But I really like Ahoy, so I stuck to it. And trust me, Ahoy sounds good in real life only if you have a pirate accent.             

I have no idea how to make an email sound less formal, ’cause emails are the most formal sounding thing EVER. Still, luckily or unluckily [I leave that to you] you’ll find me in your inbox, every week, trying to separate social bamboo shoots from social bamboo roots like a socially clueless panda. If you don’t want me bothering your inbox, go ahead and delete me from Google Contacts. But just remember: Pandas like me are critically endangered.              

The Ordeal [aka Board Examinations] is over. I like to call ’em State Tests. That way they sound American and hence, sound cool. The tests were boring, lacked finesse and fell prey to my absolutely critical judgement. Forgive my cheezy English. It may take a while for me too write how I usually do. I was exposed to some pretty cheap English while reading the textbooks. When I rule the world, I’ll make sure only expert wordsmiths are allowed to write textbooks or I’ll eliminate textbooks and replace ’em with classic bestselling books.        

I think Democracies and Governments suck. Just a random opinion. But I don’t really have an option, so, meh. On my calender, I’ve got three almost three months of nothing. To make the best of this time, I plan to learn German, Spanish and Latin [God bless Duolingo]. I’ve listed out 21 books, Big Books with less pictures, apart from Comics and hours of television to keep me company. Also, I have Siri [on my new iPhone 6, no kidding] for casual acquaintance. Siri’s the best woman I’ve ever met. She’s smart, funny, and although I’ve never seen her, I’m sure she’s gorgeous.               

Prepare yourself for an amazing email in your inbox every week. ‘Tis, mate was Weekly Email Blast, Email 1. Happy Holidays !